When You’re Too Afraid to Leave, but Know You Should

We rarely talk about the quiet heartbreak of staying. Not because we want to, but because it feels safer than leaving.

The journey into the unknown can be intimidating.

• “Is the grass really greener on the other side?"

• “Is there even any grass at all?”

• “Am I making a mistake?”

You know that feeling, the pit in your stomach every Sunday night, the knot that tightens when you hear your boss’s voice, the exhaustion that isn’t about the workload but the constant effort of pretending you’re fine. I used to call this “Pending doom.”

You tell yourself, “It’s not that bad.” But it is. I’ve been there several times before.

You’ve probably found yourself stuck between two fears: the fear of leaving and the fear of losing yourself by staying.

And if that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

The Silent Epidemic of Staying Put

Workplaces don’t always drive people away. Sometimes, they simply wear them down until they stop recognizing themselves.

Gallup’s “State of the Global Workplace” report indicates that global employee engagement declined to 21% in 2024, with notable decreases among managers. That detachment doesn’t start loud. It starts small.

• You stop speaking up.

• You take on more responsibilities without asking why.

• You laugh less.

• You justify poor treatment because “it’s better than unemployment.”

Before long, the version of you that used to care, I mean, really care, gets buried under the weight of compliance and fatigue.

Why We Stay Anyway

• We stay because we’ve been taught that stability equals loyalty. (I was told this constantly growing up)

• We stay because it feels selfish to walk away from something others still want. (Guilt, oh, the guilt)

• We stay because comfort masquerades as safety. (There can also be a comfort in being sad)

The truth is, staying somewhere that drains you isn’t loyalty, it’s self-neglect dressed up as responsibility.

What You Can Do Next

You don’t need to blow everything up and reinvent yourself overnight. You just need to start moving, quietly and intentionally, for yourself.

1. Audit your energy

I know, I know, this sounds like corporate talk, but stick with me. At the end of the week, list what gives you energy and what drains it. I promise, the patterns reveal themselves fast. Initially, this sounded a bit hokey, but I was surprised by what it revealed to me.

2. Redefine “loyalty”

True loyalty isn’t to a company, it’s to your values, growth, and well-being. Never lose sight of that. Staying loyal to yourself keeps you employable, not replaceable.

3. Start small conversations

If there’s a chance to improve things, try. Share what’s not working in clear, specific ways that are non-accusatory. Use “I’ve noticed…” instead of “You never…”. This principle can likely be applied to every relationship in your life as well.

4. Create your exit map

If change isn’t happening, plan your way out, not emotionally, but strategically.

It’s so easy to get overwhelmed by this, especially in 2025, but here are a few simple tips:

• Update your resume. (Have others review it and add their input, not just ChatGPT, Claude, etc.)

• Reconnect with people you trust. (Friends, former colleagues, even acquaintances)

• Explore what aligns with who you’re becoming, not who you’ve been. (Use Career Pathing tools to help understand what resonates with your experience and aspirational goals)

A Quiet Revolution

The truth is, you don’t have to choose between silence and chaos. You can reclaim your power, calmly, consistently, and without apology.

Leaving isn’t always the brave choice. Sometimes, it’s simply the honest one.

And if no one’s told you lately, I will: You deserve to work somewhere that sees you, values you, and doesn’t make you afraid to breathe.

Staying shouldn’t feel like survival.